People pleasing and why you need to stop!

Do you ever feel completely bogged down with so many things you ‘have’ to do but when you look at the list, it’s mostly made up of things other people want you to do?

Or, do you feel uncomfortable when people are annoyed with you?

Could it be that you are a people pleaser?

People pleasing is a common issue for so many of my clients but actually, it is just a symptom of a deeper issue.

For so many, this eagerness to please stems from a place of low self-worth. There is a hope that by saying yes to everything, they will be liked and accepted, meaning ultimately, that they will be safe and looked after.

However, the issue is that many people pleasers are sometimes taken advantage of and even abused. And yet, the people pleaser continues to say yes to everything with the hope that they will be treated better.

Eventually, people pleasing develops into a way of life buried deep within their subconscious and becomes confused with kindness. When challenged about it, people pleasers will often respond by saying things like “I don’t want to be selfish” or “I want to be a good person” and as a result, they allow others to take advantage of them.

Therefore, people pleasing can easily become a serious problem.

For example, whilst listening to other people’s opinions is a great social skill, pretending to agree so that you will be liked can cause you to engage in behaviour that goes against your values.

Also, recognising the effect your behaviour has on others is a great sign of emotional maturity, however believing that you have the power to make someone else happy is an issue. It is the responsibility for each individual to take charge of their own emotions.

And, if you are feeling burdened by your ‘to do’ list, there is a good chance that you are not using your time, your most precious commodity, in a way that brings you joy. Instead you are filling it with what you think others want you to do.

My worse habit when I was a chronic people pleaser was saying yes when I really meant no. Then knowing this, in an effort to protect me, my subconscious mind would often deliver an illness which would prevent me from completing the task or attending the function.

The problem with all of these behaviours is that they will leave you exhausted because you are not acting in a way that is aligned to who you really are. And, you will never reach your full potential if you are trying to be all things to all people.

Getting out of the habit of people-pleasing can be difficult, especially if it has been going on for some time. So, start with setting yourself some small tasks such as saying no to something small, then express your opinion about something simple. Then, maybe you can progress to making a stand for something you believe in. Each step you take will help you to gain more confidence in your ability to be yourself.

As always, if you need any help with any of this, get in touch 💛 xx