What you don’t change, you are choosing!

I want to share this pearl of wisdom with you. It had such a profound effect on me in the midst of my recovery, that I apply it to every aspect of my life now.

It was said to me in relation to my job at the time. I had just realised that I was completely unaligned to it in every single way. Being so out of kilter had left me exhausted and unable to focus.

As I heard it, it was like I’d been hit by a ten-tonne truck and suddenly, I realised that I could change the ending to my story. And, I knew that I needed to start by making sense of my childhood.

Here is the thing, what happens to all of us during our childhoods are not our responsibility, however healing from it certainly is. Because as Marisa Peer says, “If you don’t fix those wounds, you bleed on the people who didn’t hurt you” and that was certainly true in my case.

The reason that Rapid Transformation Therapy was so effective for me was because, it was the first time that I had explored what I believed about myself. And, trust me, it wasn’t pretty.

As a child, I had been raised to believe that love had to be earned and as my behaviour was constantly scrutinised and criticised, I never made the grade. As a result, I had crippling low self-esteem from a very young age. Believing I was broken, I looked to others to ‘fix me’ because I felt sure that I was too hopeless to do it myself. Instead, I thought others always knew better than me and that they had all the answers.

Of course, this never ended well because there isn’t another person alive who could have fixed me, but such was my thinking, that it didn’t stop me feeling that they chose not to do it because I wasn’t worth the effort.  The generational wound ran deep.

Once I realised that and started to understand what I believed about myself and why, I began to recognise how those beliefs were still showing up in my life at that time.

Quickly, things began to fall into place as I learned new ways to respond rather than react, I knew that it was now my job to change how I interpreted the world around me. Understanding that my childhood beliefs were no longer appropriate for my life now and, that I was no longer in that place of danger, allowed me to let them go.

I stopped being concerned with others did or didn’t do for me and I stopped looking to others to guide my feelings. Instead, I started to identify my physical responses to the messages my feelings were sending me and as I changed my responses, I began to trust myself.

Self-trust and self-esteem go hand in hand and so, having a healthy belief in both gave me emotional freedom. With that freedom, I was able to reclaim the confidence I born with. This new found confidence helped me to make the changes needed to give me the life I wanted to live.

Awareness of my beliefs also gave me the chance to practice courage. Of course, courage is not the absence of fear, but rather knowing it’s scary and doing it anyway.

Doing it involved challenging the old beliefs when they tried to invade and stretching my thinking which is the only way to truly progress. At the beginning, it wasn’t easy but using the powers of neuroscience, it has certainly become easier.

However, we are all constantly evolving and each time I uncover yet another belief that I have about myself, I remember that: “What I don’t change, I am choosing,” and set about doing the work.

This powerful statement will forever be my guiding force and now, it is for many of my clients too.

Let me know if I can help you with any of this, you are worth the effort💛