Does seems like you are a magnet for crappy experiences time and time again?
Why does this keep happening?
We all have around 5 or 6 really significant experiences. So, what is it about an experience that makes it significant rather just a distant memory?
Well we all have beliefs about ourselves and many are formed before we are
7. This is because until then, we lack logical reasoning. As a result, all the early
messages we are given about ourselves we believe.
Therefore, as we go out into the world we are subconsciously looking for
evidence of what we believe to be true. And, each time we experience something
that confirms what we believe is true about ourselves, it gives us a sense of
who we are.
Now, that is great if you only believe good things about yourself. But what
happens if you don’t?
The mind’s job is to keep us safe and it does this by looking out for
danger. So, it is hardwired to look for the negative aspect of each situation,
it’s what kept us safe in primitive times. And, even though we do not
have the same dangers that we had then, the mind is still hardwired to look.
As a result, it is the negative experiences, because of the potential for danger, that stick to us like Velcro and the positive ones that just slide away.
And, that’s why it often feels like the same situations keep happening to us time and time again. Because, each time the beliefs we acquired as a child are reinforced, we purposefully remember those experiences and they become significant.
They become significant because our subconscious believes it kept us from
danger that time. So, we will be super alert to the potential harm any time the
memory of that experience is triggered.
The problem with that is ……… what we look for, we find.
So, reinforcement of that belief again and again can feel like a constant stream of unpleasant, maybe even traumatic experiences.
In my own case, a significant belief for me as a child was that I believed that I wasn’t good enough. So, when a careers teacher laughed at me when I asked for legal work experience and sent me to a chemist’s shop instead, it reinforced that belief for me.
All the times the I had achieved good grades or teachers had complimented me were forgotten and this, is one of my strongest memories from school.
Finding and understanding those childhood beliefs allows you to accept that you are no longer in that place of danger. It gives you the opportunity to let go of all those pesky beliefs that are no longer any use to you.
And when that happens, you can begin to free yourself from all the emotional baggage you have been carrying around for years.
Then, you make room to install some brilliant new beliefs that are far more
appropriate for the life you live today.
If you feel like the same things keep happening to you too but can’t work out why, get in touch.
Let’s clear the way for only good memories 💛