Debbie’s opening line was “I just feel so angry and frustrated with her, she’s brilliant but doesn’t believe me”.
Debbie was talking about her 15-year-old daughter Jess as she was very anxious and it was impacting on school, home and friendships.
After asking some questions, it became apparent to Debbie that she was anxious too.
So, we got to work.
During Debbie’s RTT session, she discovered that although she did have a lovely childhood, her dad was a perfectionist. He passed this need for everything to be right onto both Debbie and her sister by criticising them when they fell short.
Of course, they fell short often because it is impossible to be perfect all of the time. Nevertheless, it didn’t stop both girls forever striving to reach that ideal and this created worry about what might happen which became anxiety.
Without ever realising it was there, when Debbie became a mum herself, she unwittingly passed it onto Jess and her younger sister too.
It was inevitable because, unless we do this work, we mirror what our parents did and it was all Debbie had ever known, if she wasn’t aware of it, how did she know to change it?
Becoming aware meant that Debbie could see her triggers and just as importantly, she came to recognise her daughters too. Of course, Jess didn’t believe Debbie when she told her she was brilliant because in the next breath, she was finding fault.
Awareness is 90% of the solution and for the other 10% we changed the belief. Having them all understand that sometimes it is ok to be messy, it’s how we learn, and adopting some strategies to banish anxiety once and for all, has stopped this vicious cycle in its tracks.
Now, Debbie isn’t angry or frustrated with either of her daughters because she understands their behaviour and how they acquired it.
Equally, she isn’t angry and frustrated with herself anymore either and is starting to believe that she’s brilliant too.
Debbie no longer feels the need to project those feelings onto her daughters, freeing all three of them.
If this sounds familiar, get in touch, it doesn’t have to be this way 💛
*Shared with permission
**Jess never did need to have a RTT session with me