So many of you contacted me after I shared Annie’s story and so, I thought you might like to hear Dave’s motivating journey too.
Dave has instigated this post because he’s brilliant and wants to give hope to others. He is, without question, my kind of person, inspirational in his quest to make a difference.
Dave used to be a police officer but now works for the NHS, he is 53, has been married to Carron for 22 years and had two teenage children.
During his RTT session with me, we uncovered that a particularly difficult memory of an experience ‘on the job’ as a police officer, had a far greater impact on Dave than he had ever realised.
This was because it had triggered a belief that he had held since childhood that he was helpless. Indeed, this belief had influenced his decision to join the police.
At 18, he thought a career with the police would put him in control, give him some power and a team of like minded people who would have his back.
But of course, if we have beliefs like this about ourselves, they don’t just go away because our circumstances have changed. We carry them, like armour with us from experience to experience.
As a police officer, Dave became disillusioned very quickly because each time he was called to an incident where he wasn’t in control and the outcome was not in his power, he was triggered over and over again.
Attending at the scene of accidents became particularly stressful for him.
As a result, the moment a job became available where he could be mostly tucked away in an office, Dave took it. And, there he sat for almost 10 years, hiding his light and phenomenal ‘people skills’ from the world, getting more and more frustrated and, depressed.
Eventually, he took early retirement and found himself working in a hospital. But the beliefs he held about himself were still firmly secured in his subconscious. So, yet again, each time he felt not in control and didn’t have the power to determine the end result, he was triggered.
This time, the strain of feeling stressed took it’s toll much sooner and Dave had to take sick leave.
When his wife finished her therapy with me and asked me to see Dave, he had been off work for 4 months with stress and anxiety.
Quickly, we identified the beliefs that Dave had held for a long time that he was helpless and weak.
We went back to the very first time he felt this way and found that he had been 4 years old. By this time, Dave had come to believe that it was his job to please his dad, to make him happy.
When he didn’t manage this impossible task, he believed it was his fault and that he caused his father to drink alcohol which in turn, led to him becoming angry and volatile.
Of course, he now knows that was never his job to make his father happy and he would never have succeeded in his quest.
Nevertheless, Dave had spent a lot of his childhood trying to be ‘good’ at things and when he didn’t manage it, and his father wasn’t sober, he felt helpless and weak.
His experiences throughout his life then reinforced these beliefs over and over again.
Gently, he was able to see that as an adult, he is no longer in that place of danger and therefore, we managed the beliefs out of his subconscious, replacing them with some far more appropriate one for the life he lives now.
In subsequent sessions, we unravelled his past work experiences and Dave was able to see that actually, he had been far from helpless in many of the situations that had left him feeling particularly stressed.
Instead, he was able to look at them through a new lens and recognise that in reality, he had made fundamental contributions in often dire circumstances. This was particularly challenging for someone who was utterly convinced he was a weak man, I was humbled by his sheer hard work throughout our time together to make these changes.
Tragically, part way through our 28 days together he lost a parent and I was concerned for him for a while.
I needn’t have been. He would often leave me voice messages telling me how he was using his new skills to deal with the loss.
To think, at the beginning I wondered whether he was just going along with RTT to please his wife.
I’m ecstatic to have been proved wrong.
A truly wonderful and genuine man who was so invested in his own healing that nothing was going to send him off course.
Here is the message Dave sent to me when we finished our time together.
If I can help you with any of this get in touch 💛 xx